If you can think of anything more American than a group of P-51 Mustangs intercepting the Luftwaffe and obliterating them into the ground in bursts of red, white, and blue, then you are either lying to yourself or you are a hippie. As an American Christian, I can’t condone the lying, and as a firm believer in the governing body of this holy country, I can’t condone being a hippie, so accept the fact that there’s nothing more patriotic and let’s go on…

Pilots in the campaigns of World War II regularly took dice with them into the cockpit not to gamble over the radio frequencies, but for good luck. Apparently the dice worked pretty well. Just look at the Nazi casualties! If pilots could engage the enemy and obliterate them with dice at their side, maybe they could win the lottery or the Cubs could win a World Series back home, so pilots started to keep dice in their glove compartments. Somewhere along the line, civilians caught on, and somewhere along the line, the dice were injected with steroids and started to grow hair in strange places – namely all over them. All of a sudden, there were huge pink dice and black dice and smiley-faced dice hanging from the rear-view mirrors of vehicles everywhere. The fur cubes reached their popularity in the ‘70s and ‘80s, but has waned gradually ever since while flowery leighs and other un-American objects took the dice’s place (don’t give me crap about Hawaii being an American state – the leighs weren’t invented when Hawaii was a state so no, they do not count).

At least one state has it right. I’m not sure if the dice had anything to do with the law in particular, but it is illegal to hang ANYTHING from your rear-view in Minnesota. Despite the fact that a study showed there is no correlation to hanging fuzzy dice (and leighs) from a rear-view mirror and reckless driving, I still think this is the better choice and the law should be adopted by every state in the Union. With the fuzzy dice going the way of the family dinner and leighs erupting like Vesuvius on rear-views, I say it’s America or bust. But in the meantime, if you’re not in the land of the golden gopher, honor our war heroes , honor our fallen, and honor the good luck many still hold today (regardless of the Cub’s World Series they’ve been hoping for), and hang a couple of fuzzy cubes for the red, white, and blue.